Begin Again

Let’s begin again.

Though we are 14 days into the year, today is the first Sunday of record for me.

I spent all of 2023 exhausted, nursing myself back to health, and through this journey, I struggled to upkeep my writing schedule. My ambition was much bigger than my capability so I dipped in and out of your inbox sporadically like a peacock.

Now I lay bare, ready to begin again.

I don’t want to say this is going to be the best year ever. Absolutely no one that I know is saying that. In fact the last time I heard anyone say anything along the lines of “this year is going to be the best year ever… it’s going to be my year”, was back in 2020 … and we all know how that turned out.

Some reflections gathered from one year of the deepest self-care, to carry into and through this new year, conveniently in your back pocket.

Alignment vs Power

I accomplished very little last year compared to previous years, but I’m also redefining “accomplishment” and “success”. Truly, I didn’t “achieve” much but deep rest and recalibration of my entire nervous system. For just a fleeting moment I felt a pang of guilt, maybe even shame, for not going all out the last 365 days. Until I was aptly reminded that even when it appears that nothing is happening, something is always happening.

You can’t have an experience of nothing – linguistically it doesn’t even make sense – if there was truly nothing, it wouldn’t be possible to experience it. You can have an experience of something so slow, so still, so steady that it’s regarded and dismissed as “nothing”.

Often we say we need to get into alignment to make something happen faster… to get to where we want to be sooner… but alignment is not a quick process. Alignment actually slows things down, almost to a halt so it can find and connect to its magnetic pole. Power is what enables us to move with speed. And power misdirected or misaligned can also cause us to crash and burn. So both are necessary, there is a time for getting in alignment, and a time for using our power.

Which of these do you need right now? Do you know the difference?

Liberation vs Peace

There has never been a time in the history of this planet where not speaking up for injustice has made the world a better place. Literally, never. So, we could as well use our voices to salvage what sprinkling of morality is left amongst our species. When there’s conflict it’s easy to say let’s just have peace and harmony, and of course peace is important and harmony is exquisite, but it is also subjective.

My peace is not your peace. We can be enslaved and be at peace. We can be in solitary confinement and be at peace. We can be wealthy with all that money can buy and be deeply disturbed. We can be in the richest nations on earth, with all of its first class provisions, and be riddled with emotional suffering. What is required in spaces of oppression and social inequity is liberation.

Do you desire peace, or do you need liberation?

Grief & Anger

Quite frankly I think it’s wild that the pandemic was 4 years ago… and even wilder that we’ve stopped talking about it. Somehow, we collectively rushed to get back to normal, completely bypassing the amount of loss, sickness, isolation, breakups and drastic change we powered through with very little coping tools. I’m certain we’re still emotionally processing despite thinking we’re in the next phase of life. The emotional impact of trauma doesn’t just dissipate. It stays with you, in your body, your cells, and your nervous system.

Two emotions not quite socially acceptable are grief and anger. No one really knows how to deal with it. It’s too dark, too heavy, too much for societies malnourished in emotional expression and healthy processing. Anger is not allowed (by women, by women of colour, by good girls). And grief is reserved for death and funerals. I want you to know that underneath both of these emotions is the very real well of sadness. And if you can be happy, you are allowed to experience being sad. You are a full human being, and in order to heal it, you must truly and deeply feel it.

There’s a lot to be angry about, much to grieve, and deep sorrow for our personal and collective losses the past few years.

Do you need to grieve? Are you in touch with your anger?

As we begin again, I’m wishing you a beautiful new year where you reframe failure as redirection, nothingness as a state of preparation, see endings as opportunity for new beginnings, nurture your anger, grieve deeply and fully, activate your voice, find your peace power and alignment, and liberate your soul.

Zoya